Masterchef 2014

No recipe this week, well, not yet anyway, but now that Masterchef has finished, I thought it might be the time to jot down a few thoughts on my experience during the programme and what might be coming next for me.

For those who didn't know, I was a contestant on the series that just finished, finally reaching the last 8 before my luck ran out. There were highs and lows for me personally, but the overall experience was overwhelmingly positive, so anyone expecting the embittered rantings of a sore loser will be disappointed. 

Having entered really more as a gesture of bravado rather than seeking any sort of particular validation of my cooking, it was more than a shock when I got a call to invite me onto the show. A pleasant shock, the type of shock you'd get if someone say, bought you a lovely present, but a shock nonetheless. This was when some real planning got underway, trying to think of dishes, reading cookbooks, trying to swot up on techniques in case something came up in the invention tests that I'd never done before. It's probably at this stage that the panic really started to set in. When my friends found out I was going to be on, one comment in particular stood out: "If you cry on telly I will laugh at you for the rest of your life". You know who you are.

I'll be honest and say I didn't allow myself enjoy the whole experience as much as I should have. That's not because it wasn't enjoyable, because it was, massively so (I'll expand on this later), but because I'm a worrier, and so I spent a lot of time worrying about things.

What will happen if I go out in the first round? I definitely don't want that to happen, I'd never be allowed to forget it!

Ok, I'm through the first round, great. Right, it's going to get harder from here on in isn't it?

This is getting quite serious, I'm through to the quarter finals. I'm surely going to be exposed as a fraud in the next round.

Last 10! Wow! I'm going to need time off work and I haven't told them about it. Hmmm.

Last 8? Well this escalated quickly.

And so on and so forth. My natural state of worry probably stopped me enjoying myself as much as I should have, which is a shame, because when I was in the kitchen, I loved it, absolutely had a ball. Even when it was hard and things weren't going that well, I had a great time when I was cooking.

There were plenty of times outside the cooking when I had fun as well. The team who work behind the scenes on the show are absolutely brilliant. It won't surprise most people to know that there's a lot of sitting around, between judging and things. There were a bunch of people who always said the right things, made us feel better, supported us and genuinely seemed happy for us when things went well, and disappointed for us when things didn't. I sent my thanks through when my time on the show finished, but if any of them happen to be reading this, my biggest thanks go to you all for making the times when I was most nervous (and trying not to show it) fly over and never failing to make us all smile and laugh. I know for a fact that every contestant I had the pleasure to cook alongside would agree with me on that.

Alongside those people, the other people I really need to thank is my family. To say they were supportive is an understatement. Nealy put up with me during the whole process, tasting recipes, telling me not to worry, dropping me off and picking me up from the train station, and generally being amazing. To be getting married to her next year is bigger and better than any television show could ever muster. And I get to write the menu as well!

My parents were tasters as well, but more than that, were the people who obviously instilled the food bug in me, always making sure we had good food and watching many an hour of food-based television together, stretching back to the days of the Carlton Food Network on Telewest (one for the North Easterners there). Finally, my sister Julie has been, along with Nealy, my biggest supporter online, and also became my biggest defender in the aftermath of the pro kitchen. It's probably fair to say Adam Handling has probably postponed any trips he had planned to Gateshead soon in case he bumps into her. Thanks sis.

The weekend I got knocked out I was working at Gateshead Beer Festival, which is held at my rugby club, Gateshead RFC. I just wanted to mention that a few people spotted me over the weekend, and every single person was so nice about my appearances, some were kind enough to say I'd been a good representative for the region, and if this is true, then fantastic. I love the North East, and I'm proud to be from Gateshead. This blog isn't named NE9 for no reason.

A word about our illustrious judges. Everyone seems to have an opinion on John and Gregg, and so here is my experience. In the early rounds, John was quite quiet, I think he was watching everyone and seeing what people were like when they were left to their own devices. As the rounds went on, he became so helpful, making sure you were checking something wasn't boiling over, or that something that needed to be in the oven was in. My feeling was that he didn't want anyone to fail - if the flavours don't work, that's something he can't help with, but he didn't want to see someone go out on a technicality, if that makes sense.

Gregg is another who ensures that everyone is at ease. He likes to tell a joke or two and generally make people smile and laugh, which is great, and sorely needed at times in the kitchen. Both judges were nothing but great to me, and nothing but honest, which is all anyone can ask, isn't it?

The professional kitchen. My nemesis, as it turned out. I could be wrong, but I think it was probably that round that did for me in the end, and rightly so. I struggled in that environment on the day, and made no bones afterwards about that fact. I think I could do better if given another chance, but Masterchef is in large part all about how you perform on the day, and put bluntly, I didn't. I made early mistakes, which I think certainly put the chef on the defensive against me, and then I didn't redeem myself as I should have. I've had plenty of comments about that round, some I could print, some I couldn't, but if that's what killed me off in the end then so be it. Mistakes happen.

A quick word on the people I cooked with, my fellow contestants. I'm still in touch with quite a few, and I have to say that again, they are a really great bunch of people. I'm proud to now call some of them friends, and I very much hope I haven't seen the last of them, in fact, I'll hopefully put in place some plans to see some of them this summer if I can. Ping, if you're reading, you were a worthy winner - you cooked consistently incredible food, and the food world is now your oyster, enjoy it!

I do have one admission about something that surprised me recently, something that I didn't expect at all. I found the final rounds, after I'd been sent home, very hard to watch. I did watch them all, because as I say, I class those people as my friends and wanted to celebrate for whoever won, but also, because I know how much hard work went into the making of the show, I wanted to show my appreciation in a little way. But I found it hard. I think watching myself go out was more difficult than actually having gone out, if that makes sense. There was a definite sense of disappointment at what could have been, especially when the gang cooked alongside one of my food heroes, Tom Kerridge, for a table full of chefs that I've spent so much time watching on various food shows. I was left to rue what could have been, and ponder on what I could have done differently in order to get through.

The truth is though, there's nothing I could have done. Even if I'd done something differently, would I have got through? Maybe, maybe not, who knows? What I do know is that I worked my backside off for a few weeks, I sat on trains for more hours than I care to remember, I trawled through recipes online looking for inspiration, I not only got to cook for John Torode, Gregg Wallace and Marcus Wareing in the Masterchef kitchen, but I got some pretty decent comments from them as well. I met some amazing chefs, some amazing people, smiled plenty, laughed more and left with a bucket-load of experiences that money can't buy. All in all not bad.

And most importantly, I didn't cry on telly.